A Simple Cup of Coffee

We are so lucky that we live in the age of technology. With smart phones and computers, we have access to instant information or people all over the world. But what we have gain in access and speed, we are losing something very important, face to face communication.

My kids have grown up with technology. They both are at ease behind the computer and find no problem send a text message or email. I recently had to contact several college students to pick up their order of girl scout cookies. One after one, I called them on their cell phones and not a single one answered their phone. When I started text messaging them instead, they all replied within a matter of minutes. Yet none of them would answer their phone.

What does this say about this generation? Are we teaching them that it is easier to send a text than talk to someone? Since face to face communication is the basis of human communication, how are they building strong or lasting relationships? It is no wonder that we are seeing more and more conflict among our young people. They cannot express themselves in a way that helps resolve conflict. Conflict cannot be resolved via text message.

During my first job as a manager, I worked in a retail store. The receiving manager, Ray, was an former coast guard officer and ran that department like a tight ship. Many of the other managers did not like him because he often referred to the female employees as "Honey" or "Babe". I personally did not let things like that bother me. He was a little inflexible, but I wanted to just get along.

One afternoon I was taking a coffee break and working on my paper work. You see, we only had vending machines in our break room, and the "coffee machine" was the type that gave you those eight ounce paper cups of coffee that was not fit for man or beast. Our store was located in a mall and coffee shops were accessible but not very convenient to get to in fifteen minutes. The only fun thing about these coffee cups was the poker hand printed on the side of the cup. There was a "draw" card printed on the bottom of the cup, so you indeed had a hand to play.

Ray was sitting in the corner of the room with two of his employees and called to me, "Would you like to play for real cups of coffee for the hand on your cup?" I looked at my cup and agreed to play. We went back and forth raising each other until we had a "pot" of 22 cups of coffee. Ray called and said, "I have 4 Jacks; what do you have?" I replied, "I have 4 Queens." His two staff members were rolling on the floor laughing at Ray.

It took a while, but Ray would come by my department and say. "Come on, Kim. Time for coffee." We had 22 one on one conversations over a cup of coffee. Through those conversations, I became a good friend of Ray. He rarely called me "honey" after that and there were even times when he went out of his way to help me. We had our last cup of coffee the day I left the store. He told me that he thought I was a good manager and that he would miss me. (Little did he know how much that meant to me at that time.)

I learned how important even those everyday conversations can be. We need those everyday contacts to make us whole and to expand our horizons. Building a team environment comes from knowing the strengths and weaknesses of your team members. You learn them by asking questions, getting to know your team. Just think how well you can get to know them after 22 conversations. Ray was a good and thoughtful man. I learned so much from him and a simple cup of coffee.